Last night, I lay awake thinking about Calvinism, Arminianism, and open theism until my brain hurt. I repented of that sin in the morning.
Sorry about the geeky joke, but I'm only half facetious. This past week I've often felt like Jesus has knocked on the door of my heart and I've replied: "Don't bother me! I'm thinking about theology." And I'm not thinking about it in a particularly constructive way--I'm trying to figure out how God does his job. How does he save us? Does he cause the suffering in this world? If he allows something evil to happen, is that really different from causing it to happen? And if not, is that where the open theists come in with their ideas that God doesn't know the future? Are there better explanations that are more scripturally accurate as well as viscerally satisfying?
It reminds me of C.S. Lewis's insightful words: "Thoughts are but coins. Let me not trust instead of Thee, their thin-worn image of Thy head. From all my thoughts, even from thoughts of Thee, O Thou fair Silence, fall, and set me free." He is saying that theology--the study of God--is very different from God himself. I am to trust Christ, rather than my own theological views. Through faith, I can humbly receive him and let him fill my heart and mind. Amazingly, the Almighty wants fellowship with me, even if I don't understand everything.
I'm not saying that the study of theology is useless to our walk of faith. God calls us to love him with our minds as well as our hearts. And that means studying his word diligently. But when I get caught up in the abstract, I often lose sight of the essential. If the Arminians and Calvinists still don't see eye to eye after all these centuries, does God really require me to come up with an airtight explanation?
"The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love." (Galations 5:6) I hope I remember that while disagreeing with someone.